My birth story: becoming a mother at 14.

A mother’s bond is like no other. After nine years of healing and growth, I realized the importance and power of a testimony.

There is a video from the morning after I gave birth. Just the day before, no one even knew I was pregnant. But the instant sense of love between my mom and her new granddaughter would make you think this was highly anticipated.

I was 14. I was beyond scared, too scared to tell my own mother or even my closest friends. Scared of the judgment, scared of the potential for abortion, scared of what my life would be like. Scared.

I stayed home a few days because of the throwing up. One of my friends told me that a few people at school thought I was pregnant because of it. I got so angry and denied it, but little did I even know at the time that I was. There were so many points during my pregnancy when I badly wanted to tell my mom what was going on with me, but I was too scared to face what I knew could be true.

I went to school every day and enjoyed the summer like a normal 14 year old. I’ll never forget how numb my legs and lower stomach would get from sitting at the desk all day, yet I still never told anyone. I never went to the doctor, never had an ultrasound, didn’t change my diet. I even got on roller coasters. At 14, I didn’t take it seriously or realize the risks.

I didn’t get very big or show, and I was always on the heavier side, so I tried sucking it in and wearing loose clothing. One day, a close friend joked about how I was holding a pillow in front of my stomach as I walked home from school, saying I looked pregnant. Little did he know. I have one picture of my stomach that I took about a week before she was born where I was showing.

My mom rationalized my weight gain with being home and eating a lot during the summer. I even ignored the colostrum that began to leak from my breasts towards the end. I remember sitting at my desk one night and watching her move around in my stomach. Somehow I knew she was a girl. I had her name picked out and everything towards the end.

I was spending the week with my dad and stepmom for the summer, a trip I was really excited for. Looking back, I can see it was divine timing for me to be with my dad, as God knew I would need the support of both parents.

The day he was set to come get me, I lost my mucus plug. Alarmed, I did tell my mom about this, but I didn’t know what a mucus plug was and she assumed it was discharge. I spent the entire day and trip from Richmond to Virginia Beach having contractions, or what I thought were just bad stomach pains, suffering in silence.

When we got there, it was pretty late. After my daughter was born, my dad admitted he looked at me when we arrived and thought I looked pregnant, but he didn’t say anything because he thought it wasn’t possible. I tried to just sleep it off. Obviously, that was impossible. I was sleeping in their guest bedroom and kept getting up and going into the bathroom to labor. I don’t recall if my water fully broke or not.

Finally, the pain was too much to bear. I went to my dad’s room and told him my stomach was hurting badly. He suggested Pepto Bismol and ginger ale and told me to lie down. At that point, the hormones and pain kicked in and I basically screamed at him to take me to the hospital. I pulled him and my stepmom out of the door to the car and got in the back seat.

I wasn’t even able to fully sit up because of the pain. Then I finally told them: “I think I’m pregnant.” There was silence in the car until we got to the hospital, as I remember.

When I got there, they put me in a wheelchair and took me to the room. I was so uncomfortable sitting. My dad and stepmom went to check me in and called my mom. I imagine that phone call was insane.

When I got to the room, the contractions got even worse. I’m normally a quiet, reserved person, but my pain and hormones at the time said forget it. I screamed at the nurse to please pray with me, and she looked at me like I was crazy, which really hurt, honestly. I was on the phone with my mother, screaming and saying I was sorry.

They tried to get me not to push until the doctor came, but it was too late. Within about an hour, my daughter was born. My dad came into the room after, questioning why there was a baby in the room, saying, “My daughter is supposed to be in here,” and “Whose baby?” He had assumed I was having a miscarriage. They told him it was my baby, and he had to go sit down.

The doctor came to deliver the “afterbirth,” which I now know is the placenta. I was moved to another room. As I got up for the first time, I leaked blood while the nurse was assisting me. I was so embarrassed and apologized because I wasn’t aware that it was normal. She reassured me that it was okay and showed me the shower.

I rested that night with my daughter beside me. She was perfectly healthy, as was I. My mom came the next morning and instantly bonded with her grandchild, who she didn’t know existed just a few hours before.

Since we were both healthy, we were released the next day after some hospital baby pictures. Since no one knew I was pregnant, I had nothing for my baby. The hospital gave me a lot of things, and my stepmom’s coworker did as well. With the amount of things I had, you would think she was well anticipated. I was truly blessed.

When I reflect on this journey, I look back in awe of how everything has aligned. When I was about 11, a prophet named Tim Story picked me out of the audience when he was a guest speaker at our church. I was crying and speaking in tongues. He told me to stand up and started prophesying over me. He told me that he saw me as a philanthropist traveling to help women and children. He compared me to Oprah Winfrey in the effect I would have.

Little did I know at 11 how this would connect to my life. He moved his hand in the direction of my stomach without touching me, and I felt the energy push inside of me and I fell down. I will never forget how I felt at that moment.

I also vividly remember a dream I had well before my daughter’s birth that I now understand as connected to her birth. In the dream, it seemed like an apocalypse. I remember feeling shameful as I was on the phone with my mother apologizing. I also remember feeling pain in my womb area, but at the time I didn’t know what it meant. As a child, I always had a vivid imagination and a strong connection to my dreams.

As I labored alone, I was still too scared to tell anyone, just as I had been throughout my pregnancy. As I told my story to a friend one day, they helped me see how I had supported myself through labor. I gave birth without the interventions I later learned about. Nine years later, my life had come full circle: I was a doula, helping other women through what I had experienced alone.

My path to becoming a doula felt very divinely led. Two years before I wrote this account, I didn’t even know what a doula was. I had just gotten my biology degree. I had been on the path to becoming a pediatrician. Then it changed to PA, then nurse, then teacher, and I ended up doing none of those.

It was while researching for another pregnancy and on my conscious awakening journey that I found out what a doula was. I was not able to keep the baby for that pregnancy, but a new passion was born. It wasn’t until about a year and much healing later that I decided to move into birth work. I saw how it aligned with my passion for helping women holistically, my birth story, the prophecy and my love of science.

At the time I first wrote this, I was 23, working in birth and exploring ways to deepen that passion. I was finding my way on a path with many turns, including exploring midwifery and holistic practice. I have always had a relatively strong sense of direction, but there have been moments when I questioned which way I wanted to go and made adjustments. Nevertheless, I knew I was on the right path.

No one can tell me that God, in whatever form or way of life you experience him through, isn’t a very real divine force. I thank God, the Most High, the universe, every day for my journey, my daughter and my tribe. I have no regrets. I trust that each part of my life will come together for my benefit, no matter how hard it seems or how much it hurts sometimes.

I am a proud mom, college graduate and entrepreneur. No matter how cliché it sounds, if you set your mind to do it, you are truly unstoppable. I hope my story can inspire someone who can relate.